Look, I know this topic is controversial, but just so you know, I’m not speculating that Snoop Dogg and Jesus are the same person. That’s ridiculous. All I’m doing is offering DEFINITIVE PROOF that Snoop Dogg and Jesus are the same person.

Snoop Dogg thinks He has us fooled. He thinks rhyming about placing His “nuts on your tonsils” and having “bitches in the living room getting it on” is enough to throw us off His scent. But why would Snoop want to hide the fact that He is the reincarnation of Jesus? Well, because, He remembered what happened to Him last time He was here. FUCK, that shit.

Snoop gives us enough hints even on a surface level. What is Snoop Dogg backwards? Ggod Poons. Coincidence? Another hint is His sixth studio album, Paid Tha Cost To Be Da Bo$$, which is obviously just a gangsta way of saying “I sacrificed myself to be your God”.

Even their personal histories are similar. The Bible writes that Jesus liked to hang out with the prostitute Mary Magdalene. Whilst some will say that the Bible doesn’t directly say that Mary was a prostitute, both Jesus Christ Superstar and Mel Gibson’s The Passion Of The Christ depict her as one, and it’s not like Mel Gibson would ever lie or say anything bad about a Jew, so I trust him. Interestingly, Snoop Dogg admitted in an interview that He was a “professional pimp” back in 2003 and 2004, whilst still preaching that He “don’t love dem hoes”. Both pimps obviously have meaningful connections with "dem hoes".

Jesus and His disciples, known collectively at the time as “da boyz”, attended a wedding party full of cheap Jews too stingy to pay for wine. Snoop also faced the same problem at the gangsta party He describes in Gin ‘N’ Juice: “Now, that, I got me some Seagram's gin/Everybody got their cups, but they ain’t chipped in”. Of course, both Jesus and Snoop Dogg do the Christian thing and inject both parties with alcohol, and no doubt in the morning many hilarious references to Sodom were made and several sixteen-year-old girls were looking for a ride home.

Not convinced yet?


Hopefully, for those of you who were unaware, now you’ve noticed the undisputed similarities between Jesus, the holiest man in all of “history”, and Snoop Dogg, the rapper “with the biggest nuts”.

On top of all this, Snoop also raps “I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn’t mess up my bed/Then Lil' Half Dead put his dick on her head”. I don't have a direct quote from Jesus for this per se, but it's very similar to the general vibe of The New Testament.